On Vengance and Closure

Lately, I've convinced myself that there's a certain catharsis in seeing people get what they deserve.

I've had the tendency in the last few months, in light of events that transpired over the last year and a bit, to believe it just when someone that's wronged you finally gets a taste of the pain they've inflicted on others.

Which I suppose is why the last Commander Night has me thinking.

A few days ago, I wrote something about a Commander Night at a local store at which my fiancee was made to feel uncomfortable. Elements of this included misogyny, lying, and slight of hand. And so, when the opportunity arose last night for her to beat the living shit out of one of those responsible, I'd have thought she'd have enjoyed it more.

But this wasn't the case.

The guy in question joined our pod as our fourth person. The misogyny was back in full force, but my fiancee's reaction was different- she was impassive, and focused on playing the game. I focused fire on this guy, and eventually came to win both games our pod played. My fiancee had a lot of fun, got to do some cool things, and she claims to have genuinely enjoyed herself. But she didn't go after him, when she clearly could have killed this guy with a giant robot.

But if nothing had changed, why was her outlook so different?

As it turned out, something had changed after all.

She realized that she likely couldn't change this random stranger's comments, but she could change how she took them.

While I admit to some outrage that it was she that had to change, rather than the community becoming less toxic to beigin with, the latter is unlikely enough that it might as well be considered impossible. My fiancee's decision to take the high road and not kill this guy outright and to ignore the vitriol is an admirable one, and I don't know that it's the one I'd have made if I were in her position.

But I might now.

Her thought process? This guy might have the social graces of a turnip, but he, like us, just came to play Magic.

Maybe the people that wrong us on the daily are just trying to get by.

Taking the high road might not be easy, but maybe it's unfair to judge others in such an offhand manner. Perhaps we should give others the benefit of the doubt more often than we do.

Perhaps.